03:59am Home toilet

I had liquidised the rest of the salami and meat into an oily soup and drank it down good. It had sat well at first but soon began to solidify and by early morning had impacted my entire intestine. I was sure to coil out a monster.

The cramps woke me early and I was excited at the prospect of a doomsday dump. I danced from bed to bathroom, ignoring the crippling pain and presented myself to the toilet.

With consumate ease the rigid, festering turd twisted through the air and into the water, building a pyramid in the bowl that would by the end tower out of the water.

The stench was thick, I was surprised that I could still see the walls. The mirror was steamed up and I began to sweat. The heat from the turd would surely warm the whole house for the rest of the day. And of course I wouldn’t be foolish enough to flush.

As the last of it slid out and peaked playfully atop the mountain I stepped back to admire the beast.

Happy, I sloped off back to bed, where I would bask in the warmth of my terrible turd til morning.