11:38am Home toilet

Felt stiff as a bone coming out, but lacked any kind of consistency in the bowl, resting smugly atop the water on a layer of grease. You could smell the salami and a pervading sweet tang, almost making out small chunks of apple in the sloppy offering. Easily wiped, but with the last rub of my sphincter I realised I needed another poo, but decided to save it for later, after all it was probably gas anyway.